A Complete Explanation Of Everything

Turn another answer into a question...
Darling, I won't ask why...
Turn another distance into a meaning...
That can only be fed with a lie...
Put another plane into a holding pattern...
Way up in your sky...
Waiting on a clearance, waiting on a vector...
From authority up on high...

Sometimes I'll get to thinkin', but darling, I won't ask why...
Sometimes I'll get to feelin', the truth ain't much better than the lie...
Sometimes I'll honestly wonder why I don't get clear skies...

You were my brother, I remembered, as your dust threw up from the road...
You were my brother, I remembered, as you left me out in the cold...
You were my brother, I remembered, as you turned away from me...
You were my brother, I remembered, as you stepped over me...

Sometimes I'll get to thinkin', but darling, I won't ask why...
Sometimes I'll get to feelin', the truth ain't much better than the lie...
Sometimes I'll honestly wonder why I don't get clear skies...
But then, the truth ain't much better than the lie...

That's me.

Writing in a Nickelback stylee!

I've forgotten more Italian than you've had hot dinners or some such suitable parlance.

Basically, what I'm trying to convey to you is that I'm going to Italy tomorrow, Milan specifically and I've forgotten literally all of the four years worth of Italian that I studied.

Buongiorno.

Mi chiamo Cristforo.

Ho studiato l'italian da quattro anni.

Andiamo.

Ciao Bella!

That's about as much as has stayed with me. Mi scusi! (I'm sorry!)

I flipped a coin to decide whether I was going to study Russian or Italian in college alongside Business & French in my primary degree. I was kinda hoping it would land on the Russian side but than again the cyrillic alphabet looked suitably forbidding at the time. Especially to a young guy pepped up on goofballs who just wanted to be out and about enjoying himself.

Latterly, my interests and the things I've done would probably have made Russian the better option and I've put off visiting Italy for at least 11 years. But there you have it, all I can say is...

Andiamo! Ciao Bella!

I'll see ya Tuesday...

Thousands and hundreds of euro later, I've just cut my subscriptions and dues to Oxfam and the socialist party.

I feel kinda weird.

Am I Evil?

Yes I am.

I remember I was driving around the Mojave Desert in lower California last May, just checking things out.

I was on the end of this long road trip and after seeing what the car could do on the open dirt road and taking in the sights, as much as they were, I got to seeing that the needle was creeping, creeping ever lower, till the point hit that the radius of my possible trajectory might not encompass the possibility of further gas and the possibility of further movement...

These days, I kinda feel like I did in that particular, anxious, moment.

I feel like I'm coasting towards some great unknown.

A veritable tsunami of some sort or other... It's either a physical reality constructed by other humans that's going to force my hand or some great welling of emotional self destruction that will rise up within me.

Either way.

Things are going to get sorted.

Real soon.

I've got that feeling.

I'm runnin' on empty.

A quick resume of recent events for those who aren't in on the full deal.

1) I am minus wheels at the moment. The result of a collision on the M50 at low speed but which proved that Mazdas are not as strong as Audis. Nobody was injured thankfully, well some pride was probably hurt on my end but that's about it. Net outcome at this point is that I have a cheque for the pre-crash value (€3000) and am about to be hit with a whopping new premium for insurance in May. Something to set the old pulse racing there.

Also I need to purchase new wheels. I've my eye on a certain voiture and that could be in my possession by early next week. I'll keep you posted.

2) Work sucks. I won't go into too much detail but suffice to say instead of one boss, I now have three and they are equally unsure as to the import of this all. There's many a person walking around with a full set of steak knives in their back. When the dust settles, I'll let you know.

But 2 is mitigated slightly by:

3) I've applied already for another job. More state sector stuff obviously, I love my security and pension, etc. That process will unfortunately take about six months to complete but I've got a reasonable shot at it. Hopefully item 2 won't degenerate to the point where things are unworkable in the interim!

4) I went to France. I had a rather decent time of it. Visited some relations I haven't caught up with in a good while. I had to fly out of Nantes on the way back but that was good (or at least I imagined it was going to be good) because I could catch up on some old haunts from days of yore, when I was slumming around in 1998 as a student for 4 or so months.

I duly went.

Duly caught up with some people.

Duly got drunk as a skunk.

Duly blacked out minus my camera and on the wrong side of Nantes.

Lord knows what happened, no physical aggression I believe and you have to take the rough with the smooth. These are the vagaries of the life of the burgeoning alcoholic.

I made it back to Ireland suitably chastened.

Now what else?

5) Tomorrow I have a meeting with my local branch sec of the Socialist Party to discuss my declining participation. Basically, I'm not quite sure what to tell you on that score, guess I've just grown increasingly disillusioned during these past three years with the public at large and am retreating back to my existentialist funk of old. Curl up with Sartre and a stiff whiskey and say fuck you all. Beats plodding round estate after estate, talking to people who couldn't be bothered.

I firmly believe that capitalism is an evil, a destructive system. By it's very logic, the system requires death and disadvantage, as purposeful instruction to keep the masses in line whilst attempting to give the lie that the rising tide floats all the boats and we can all get rich together. The simple fact is the only constant, since the industrial revolution and the boom and bust of capitalism got it's groove on seriously, is that the gap between the richest and poorest has increased exponentially.

Go look that up.

You'll see I'm correct.

Anyway, activism on the local, national and even international stage with the Socialist Party isn't really doing it for me. I still like our local candidate and she's the only vote I'm placing in the next election but I don't think getting a second TD elected is going to make much difference.

An old tenet of marxism is that: "Conditions determine consciousness", what was never really clarified is if that tenet is axiomatically correct, why shouldn't we let the world go to hell in a handbasket just to speed things along.

And I'm guess I'm back in the school of thought that the current methodology (which is still the Transitional Programme, 70 years old) ain't working, so we need something new before I'm getting onboard again.

Also, this job application I have in would further complicate participation.

So I guess on an intellectual and operational level, I'm putting up roadblocks no matter how sincerely I want to help.

You may doubt my motivation but honestly I feel like I've given as much as I can at this point anyway.

I'll let you know what comes of that meeting but don't be surprised if there's an icepick added to the set of steak knives already in my back.

Basically all these developments are placing other more serious portions of my life on hold, music, sorting out a permanent or semi-permanent living space and perhaps sapping my will to blog about all this stuff.

The week off.

In short.

Hasn't worked.

I'm going to a gig later, Nina (-> See the sidebar) is launching her new record in the Sugar Club, a few friends are coming along and perhaps I'll get inspired and rejuvenated and all that good stuff.

Or maybe I'll just drink myself into oblivion.

The first Nina song that got me turned on to her music was a little tune called:

"This Magic Stuff"

Later...