A Complete Explanation Of Everything

The first serious crush I ever had on an older female was a girl called Lisa. She actually was employed by my parents to oversee the house whilst they were both working and she was also to keep a putative eye on my brother and myself during the Summer holidays. It was a 50/50 arrangement because despite us being about 13 and 12 respectively and Lisa being like 16/17 at the time, she was more than slightly immature but cute with it.

Anyhoo, I always remember her being mesmerised by that Extreme song, "More than words" and in a certain way, it's become a kind of atavistic representation of idealised romance or schmaltz in a certain way. So I heard it today and thought of her, there are few enough songs that remind me of people and places because I come from the Nick Hornby school of thought, you cheapen music by centralising and identifying around people and times in your life. It's unavoidable at times but I'd really try and keep the music for myself.

Because the girls come and go.

Oh, you were hoping for scandal weren't you?

Well...

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

Goalie - Peter Schmeichel

The legendary Dane, was a bit of a twat. But he was also the most imposing physical specimen ever placed between the sticks in the Premiership ever, a fine shot stopper, the king of the one on one and an absolute legend at clearing out the box when a cross was flighted in. Regularly, he'd render unconscious one of his own defenders... Take the ball, take the man, take everything!

Understudy: Edwin Van Der Sar

Right-back - Gary Neville

It can only be the Neviller... Absent for a season plus now, the slightly tached one has been missed. Awful going forward but not quite as bad as Paul Parker, the man lives and breathes United clearly. His strength is his ability to windup scousers immeasurably and Patrick Vieira although he needed Keano to save his ass on that occasion... As Roy remarked, "There'd probably be a queue..."

Understudy: Wesley Brown

Centre-back - Nemanja Vidic

Probably centreback, is the toughest position on the team because there are four or five in with a reasonable shout. Jaap Stam won't even appear for example and he was a top player. Vidic gets the nod because in an era of super athleticism, he still performs the Steve Bruce role with aplomb and more style than Steve could manage. Great player though, Brucie...

Understudy: Steve Bruce

Centre-back - Rio Ferdinand

Sheer pace gets Rio in here ahead of Pally. Gary Pallister was a giant amongst men, a scorer supreme of own goals and generally, just a legend. I'll always remember his late freekick against Blackburn which rounded out the scorers over the season for the first eleven. Pally should have been in here ahead of Rio but because pace is a concern in the modern game, Gary is plying his trade probably at his old club, Boro'

Understudy: Gary Pallister

Left-back - Denis "Dinny" Irwin

The ultimate professional, a model of consistency, boredom personified. A decent free kick and a soft spoken Cork accent. Once again, another legend and the bargain purchase of Ferguson's entire career, including Cantona!

Understudy: Patrice Evra

Rightwing - Cristiano Ronaldo

A tough choice, not! Except for Andrei, sentimentality would have Kanchelskis in but the boy from Madeira can't be denied... He rolls in all the qualities (good and bad) of Becks and the Ukrainian express. The Portugese winker ain't done yet but will he still be at Old Trafford in two / three years hence, his legacy is dependent really, that and a Champions League medal buys you immortality Cristiano...

Understudy: Andrei Kanchelskis / David Beckham

Centre-midfield - Roy Keane (Captain)

There was an argument made once, if humanity had to play for it's fate, one football match against an alien race, if you wanted to win you would put the likes of Zinedine Zidane etcetera into the centre of the park. The punchline or the everlasting testimony to Roy was the acknowledgement that if you didn't want to lose, you'd play Roy Keane... Sheer guts, determination and bloody mindedness...

Understudy: Phil Neville

Centre-midfield - Paul Scholes

The ginger one. He scores goals, etc. He's changed his game alot over the years but he remains a cute passer, a terrible tackler and a shy reticent man. He lets his boots do the talking and they've spoken eloquently over the years...

Understudy: Juan Sebastian Veron

Left-wing - Ryan Giggs

Is George Best the old Ryan Giggs... The hairy chested one, still swinging that jersey over his head at Villa Park, not so much beatlemania as football mania at that point, he'd left the screeching girls behind at that point, he was at his best. No time to think, get the head down and motor and celebrating, he could have run out of Villa Park and I think everybody might have followed...

Understudy: Lee Sharpe

Centre-forward - Eric Cantona

Eric Le Roi. He represents the essence of a Red Devil, the artistic soul of the club in as much as Keane was the embodiment of the fierce determination. Both had the tendency to boil over and yet Eric, at his imperious best had the ability to make time and the world stand still.

Understudy: Mark Hughes

Centre-forward - Wayne Rooney

There's still plenty to come from Wayne but given the other options, he seems to sit well within this team. The Dutchman glowers over his shoulder and the Cole / Yorke partnership are in literal disbelief... Rooney has however proven himself as the team player beyond compare of that lot, Andy Cole changed his game substantially at United and became a great footballer and goalscorer, Dwight shone for a season and a half, similar to Ruud before making the team less than the sum of it's parts... Rooney is an exponential factor however despite his Ruud like qualities in front of goal at times... A short tribute to the understudy, the king of the understudies. The baby faced assassin was the most lethal bench player known to modern football, scored the winner in Barcelona and had his career tragically cut short,a genuine team and squad player, Ole Gunnar will also be remembered as one of the smiling faces of football...

"You are my Solskjaer, my only Solskjaer, you make me happy, when skies are grey!"

Understudy: Ole Gunnar Solskjaer

Honourable Mentions: Jesper Blomqvist; Les Sealey; Brian McClair; Mark Robins; Ruud Van Nistelrooy; Andy Cole; Dwight Yorke; Nicky Butt

This is kinda of a compendium of what I've been reading over the past few months, in addition to all the usuals to get the bigger picture behind the global financial turmoil. It's all pretty enlightening but at the end of the day, it's just words on the internet and that comes with it's own caveats, as we all know...

calculated risk

exurban nation

finfacts ireland

ft alphaville

naked capitalism

Yeah, there's nine doors on my parent's hall stairs and landing. Nine of the suckers.

NINE!

I am more gloss paint than man, now... 98% percent gloss.

Glossy!!!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0002CYTL2/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

"At first it looked as though my Playmobil terrorist cell was going have (to) trouble getting through this security system - no naked flames, sharp objects, guns or bombs."

This month's fox is not based on any recent viewings but is seriously foxy. I'm taking editorial license, in the months where gigs have been thin on the ground, to bring you historical foxes...

This month's fox is Melissa Auf Der Maur, who not only has a great name but is the former bassist with Hole and now a full artist in her own right under the moniker, Auf Der Maur.

Stone cold fox. Check the vid', great boots, great leather mini and a great Fender bass. Something for all the family to enjoy!!!

What motivates you to travel?

Because we are special privileged and over indulged children and if we sat down and thought about the inequity and iniquity in the world that we tolerate and at times promote to aid our selfish freedom of movement, it would be hard to live with.

So the best thing is to keep on trucking.

Sheesh, to actually think about the destruction of wealth that we contribute to, as an army of first world amateur photographers taking pictures of the same things that a hundred thousand people have already taken and creating a legacy of untold and wanton environmental destruction, well, it'd just fry your brain wouldn't it?

Better to keep on moving and visiting your hard earned foreign currency on various obscure local cultures, buying and selling the experience much like a kerb crawling voyeur.

Interested in your thoughts on whether socialism has to be redefined though.

Again, this depends classically on the associations and definition you begin with. To a large extent, I think the majority are in agreement on this here, the vast swathe of humanity you encounter in your daily life have notorious preconceptions of what socialism / communism is, was and could be.

They hold alot of things constant about it.

Today, I came across this epithet...

Capitalism spreads prosperity unevenly.

Communism spreads misery evenly.

Quite obviously, to get into a discussion with this guy and he is a very intelligent guy, you need to start by reclaiming the ground you're looking to argue from and I don't need to tell you that.

So why am I telling you that?

Because, it shows that the variant of socialism (which is by no means my proposed end game for humanity) that I hold dear or espouse does not require redefinition, it requires defining.

Most people don't know what socialism or even what the former communist states represented and it's a very important part of the argument to consistently disspell the truths but also to quite candidly bring out all that was wrong and evil with those totalitarian regimes.

And by the way, I agree entirely with your thesis, a cohesive revolution is a long way away and I'll be but the remnants of human flesh corporeal on some slab in some crematorium being exposed to temperatures and mixed with thousands of other similarly fated souls for aeons to come before this too shall pass.

But by acknowledging things as they were and consistently taking a positive line in arguing for socialism, I know that when the systems eventually align with my thinking and perspective on life, I'll have played some very small part.

The particle is still on my back.

I've been growing increasingly snippy in my various online contributions recently.

I suppose it's a reflection that I don't think there is that much to laugh about when domestically and internationally, we are facing an enormous credit crunch and the damage that the unwinding of a massive speculative bubble in property is going to rend.

I'm also not too thrilled at the future prospects for Cuba and seriously not interested in the Democratic race for the runners up spot outside the White House.

I've also not been anywhere for a bit, though I have a trip to Amsterdam and tix for The Hold Steady next week.

Perhaps, it's 2008 cabin fever afflicting me already or I just badly need to get laid.

That's the plan, Amsterdam...